


his blue

by itisjosh



Series: onlypain [22]
Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Caretaking, Dark, Gen, Ghosts, Heavy Angst, Memory Alteration, Memory Loss, Mental Instability, Nicknames, Platonic Soulmates, Sad, Symbolism, maybe a little sadder than i meant it to be
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-10
Updated: 2020-12-10
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:28:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,550
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27990777
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itisjosh/pseuds/itisjosh
Summary: His blue means the world to him.
Relationships: Jschlatt & Wilbur Soot
Series: onlypain [22]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2027711
Comments: 34
Kudos: 306





	his blue

Wilbur has fond memories of a man, one who he hasn't seen. Wilbur doesn't know his name, but he always seem him wearing blue, so that's what he calls him - Blue. His Blue. Wilbur thinks that Blue was his best friend, judging by how happy they always look when they're together. Sometimes he has memories of drowning, and Blue is always there, dragging him to safety. Sometimes it's the other way around, and Wilbur is the one supporting Blue as he pulls him to the shore. Wilbur asks about Blue all the time, he tries so hard to figure out who he is. 

Wilbur thinks that figuring out who Blue is is more important than figuring out himself. Wilbur has all the time in the world to learn who he is and who he used to be, but what if Blue doesn't? What if Blue isn't even a ghost? He could be alive. But living people are so fragile and they get hurt so easily, and Wilbur doesn't want that to happen to his Blue. He misses him. 

"Are you sure you don't know him?" Wilbur asks a man named Quackity, desperation leaking into his voice. "He always wears blue, and he's got horns. Sometimes he's in a suit. He used to stand right up there!" Wilbur points up to the spot where the podium used to be, not sure why he remembers that. "You're positive that you haven't seen him? I really want to find him." 

Quackity shakes his head, looking tired. "For the last time, Wilbur, I don't know who you're talking about. No one like that has ever been here. Not that I know of." (Phil told him to never mention Schlatt. Everyone unanimously agreed to never, ever say anything. Wilbur's like a fucking kid, he's got that childlike joy in his eyes, Quackity can see it. All of his memories of Schlatt are apparently good ones, and there's no reason to make Wilbur spiral again. Even if he's a ghost, who the hell knows what he can do. Quackity isn't going to give him a reason to freak the fuck out again.) 

"Oh," Wilbur's shoulders slouch. He looks down at the ground, shifting his feet. "I just miss him, that's all. I don't know if he's okay," Wilbur looks back up, meeting Quackity's eyes. "Do you think he's okay? I really want him to be okay."

"He's probably fine," Quackity tells him, giving him a gentle smile that doesn't quite reach his eyes. "Why don't you go ask Niki if she needs any help with her bakery? I don't know anything, Wilbur." 

"Okay!" Wilbur nods, his mind immediately flickering over to _Niki_ , not Blue. He suppresses those memories for later, and he races off to go find Niki. He loves Niki! She's his best friend, probably. He has nothing but good memories of her, and he absolutely adores her. She's so sweet and kind and lovely, it's unbelievable. She's always so nice to him, and she always answers all of his questions. Wilbur has a lot of questions. Not a lot of people will tell him what he did when he was alive, and it makes him upset. He wants to know if he was a good person or not. 

Blue was definitely a good person, Wilbur knows that. Wilbur has no doubts in his mind, Blue was the best person. He was so strong and smart and kind, and he was sort of like Niki, Wilbur can tell. He always knew what to say and do, and Wilbur remembers how much he admired Blue. 

He isn't going to stop looking for his Blue. 

* * *

Wilbur floats alongside Tommy, watching as the trees pass them by. "Do you think we'll find my Blue?" Wilbur asks with a hum, gesturing to the new land around them. Tommy said that he was leaving New L'manberg, and Wilbur figured that he might as well come with. No one knows where Blue is, and he needs to find him. "He might come to visit, right? He can join us on tour!" He jokes, nudging Tommy's side. Tommy doesn't smile or laugh, which is odd. Tommy always is smiling or laughing. "Why're you sad, Tommy?"

Tommy shakes his head. "I'm not." He lies. Wilbur can tell that he's lying. Why would Tommy lie to him? He's been trying to keep a mental note of who he can trust, and Tommy was one of the first people on that list. He doesn't want to think that his friend is a liar, especially not now. Wilbur feels the boat lurch to stop, turning to look out at the land. It's covered in birch and oak trees, filled with beautiful flowers. Wilbur stares at the flowers, entranced by the colours. He spots the blue ones first, and he barely can contain his excitement. 

"Tommy, look!" Wilbur points to the flowers, beaming at his friend. "They're blue! It's a sign, right? Look at them! Aren't they pretty?"

"Yeah, big man," Tommy whispers, sounding like he's crying. "They're pretty."

"Maybe we'll find Blue here!" Wilbur grins, hopping out of the boat. He offers Tommy a hand, waving his other at the man who brought them here. It was awfully nice of him to spend his time helping them travel. What's his name again? Dream? "Thank you, Dream!" Wilbur helps Tommy step out of the boat, frantically waving. "Will you come back to visit?" 

Dream stares up at him, his face unmasked. He normally wears a mask whenever he's with people, but he must've forgotten to put it on today. That's fine, Wilbur would never judge someone based on how they look. He doesn't know why Dream wears the mask all the time - he looks just fine. "Uh.." Dream looks away. A lot of people do that whenever he talks to them. Wilbur doesn't know why. "Yeah. Maybe." And then he's gone, rowing the boat back the way they came. Wilbur watches him carefully, trying to memorise the way that he goes. He knows that Tommy really likes Tubbo, and he isn't sure why Tubbo didn't come with them. 

"I'll make us a boat," Wilbur assures his friend. "That way we can go back and visit Tubbo. I know that you like him lots, right?" Tommy lets out a pained sound, and Wilbur flinches. "Tommy? Are you okay?" 

"Yeah, big man," Tommy's voice is muffled. "Yeah. Go look for your Blue." 

"Okay!" Wilbur nods, racing off to the forest without a second thought. He'll find Tommy again, he's sure of it. He always finds Tommy, he always manages to know where he is. Maybe he should make something for him? He sounded sad. Maybe it's because Tubbo didn't come with him. Wilbur bets that he can go back to New L'manberg and get Tubbo to come with him, just to say hi. Wilbur's sure of it. 

* * *

Wilbur is positive that he's imagining things. 

He stares at the man in front of him, his heart hammering in his chest. "Blue?" Wilbur asks, his voice barely above a whisper. "You..you're Blue!" Wilbur exclaims, rushing forwards. He tumbles into his Blue, holding him close to his chest. "My Blue! I've been looking for you for forever!"

"Wilbur?" Blue laughs, sounding confused. He feels himself being shoved, and Wilbur looks up at Blue. It must've been a mistake, Blue wouldn't purposefully shove him. Wilbur knows that, he knows Blue. He remembers him the best out of everything! Blue is the clearest thing that he can remember! "Why the fuck are you calling me that?"

"Well, I didn't know your name. No one ever told me anything about you, and I don't even know if you knew them!" Wilbur admits. "Did you know a man named Quackity? Or Fundy? Or Tubbo, maybe? They're all a little younger than us, and Fundy is my son!" Wilbur beams. "They never knew you, even though I always told them what you looked like." Blue stares at him, his mouth slightly agape. 

"Yeah, uh.." he breathes out. "Never heard of them," Blue offers a half-smile, and Wilbur grins in return. "So..Wilbur. Why are you..here?" 

"Tommy came here!" Wilbur explains. "He left New L'manberg - it's where we're all from. He's been really sad, though. His friend, Tubbo, didn't come with him. I don't know why, he won't tell me. He doesn't really talk to me that often, and I don't know why. Do you think he's mad at me, Blue?" 

Blue stares at him. "Tubbo didn't come with Tommy?" 

"He didn't," Wilbur confirms. "They're really good friends, so I don't know why he didn't. Maybe he had something to do?" Blue's eyes get a little bit bigger, and Wilbur tilts his head. "You're sure that you never met them, Blue?"

"I haven't," Blue murmurs. "Never heard of them in my life." 

Wilbur nods, beaming again. He trusts Blue. He has nothing but good memories of him, why wouldn't he? "Okay!" Wilbur nods. "Blue? I really missed you. I'm glad you're here."

"Yeah," Blue smiles. "Me too."

* * *

Schlatt doesn't know what the fuck he's supposed to do.

Wilbur has clearly gone off the fucking deep end, and Schlatt has to take care of it, as usual. If he was smarter, he'd just tell Wilbur about everything, but he..doesn't want to do that. He's seen his reactions, Schlatt has seen the way that Wilbur looks whenever someone tells him that he did something bad when he was alive. He looks crushed, heartbroken. He puts his hands over his ears and refuses to listen. Schlatt knows that Wilbur believes everything he tells him, and Schlatt could fucking destroy him. 

Schlatt could ruin his life.

He doesn't know why he hasn't. 

Maybe it's because Wilbur's like a fucking kid. He believes everything that Schlatt tells him, he always follows him around like a lost puppy. He doesn't understand that everyone is lying to him. He doesn't believe that anyone _would_ lie to him, even though it's so goddamn obvious. He doesn't realise how much he's hurt Tommy, just by offhandedly mentioning Tubbo. Schlatt told him to stop, and he did. He does every single thing that Schlatt tells him to, without question. His unwavering obedience and loyalty is fucking stunning, and Schlatt doesn't understand it. From what he _does_ understand, Wilbur only remembers the good things that happened in his life. He remembers Schlatt the most. All of his memories of him are good, and Schlatt doesn't understand that. 

His mind is so fucked, it's so _screwed_. His memories are all skewered and different, and Wilbur doesn't seem to understand anything with actual meaning. He can't put the pieces together anymore, he can't figure things out on his own. He has to be told what's happening, why it's happening, and all of that. He believes nearly everything everyone tells him, especially Schlatt. Wilbur's convinced that Schlatt would never lie to him, and he doesn't even realise that Schlatt's the one who's been lying to him the most. 

Schlatt doesn't know how the hell he's supposed to fix him. According to Tommy, Wilbur's been like this ever since he started to remember things. He used to be a lot more withdrawn and scared, but now he's just..Schlatt doesn't know how to describe it. Carefree, maybe? He doesn't have a singular care in the world, he does anything he wants. He does anything he's told to do, and he rarely questions why. He's convinced that Schlatt is the best thing that has ever happened to him, and..

It's fucking _sad_. Pathetic, even. 

"Blue, Blue!" Wilbur giggles, pressing a flower into Schlatt's hands. "It's blue, like you. I thought you'd like it. Do you?"

He's fragile. If Schlatt were to say no, Wilbur would be crushed. 

"I do," Schlatt smiles, taking it. The flower is just a simple cornflower, with some of the petals missing. "Thank you, Wilbur."

"Of course!" Wilbur beams, pride and joy stretching across his face. He's happy that Schlatt gave him some sort of praise. "Blue?"

"Yeah, Wilbur?"

Wilbur gives him a more lucid look, his eyes a little less fogged over. "I know that you're lying to me," Wilbur murmurs. "Tell me that you're not."

It's a reach. 

Schlatt can see it, he can see Wilbur, locked deep inside whatever the fuck this is. 

So he reaches back.

"I'm lying to you," Schlatt tells him. "I fucking hate it," Schlatt holds up the flower for a second, throwing it on the ground the next. He crushes it under his boot, staring at the horror and grief that cross Wilbur's face. "Fuck you." 

" _Oh_ ," Wilbur breathes out, shaking. "I- I..I'm..I- I'm so.." his eyes are huge. "I'm so cold. I..who are you?" Wilbur stares at him, looking even more devoid of colour than he usually does. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean whatever I did when I was alive," he clamps his hands over his ears, squeezing his eyes shut. "I'm so cold, I'm so cold, I'm so..I'm so..I.." he trails off, shaking his head. 

"You killed people," Schlatt murmurs. "You hurt people. Everyone around you, you hurt. You blew up L'manberg. Tommy hates you. I hate you." 

Wilbur lets out a choked sob, dropping to the ground. "No!" He protests, furiously shaking his head. "No, no, no! That's not true, that's not true. It isn't true, it's not, it's not, it isn't. It can't be, it can't. You're lying, you're a liar. Why are you lying? Why would you lie about that? Stop, stop. No. Don't, it isn't true, it isn't true. It can't be true." Wilbur looks at him. His eyes are back to being foggy. He pulls his knees up to his chest, sobbing into them, murmuring how Schlatt is lying to him. 

Schlatt sighs, looking away from the mess of a man in front of him. "I liked the flower, Wilbur." He lost his chance. Wherever Wilbur is, he's gone. It's back to being this, the husk of who he used to be. 

"You..you did?" Wilbur sniffles, looking up at him. "You liked it, you promise?"

"I promise," Schlatt smiles. "Would I ever lie to you?"

"No," Wilbur answers immediately, a bright smile replacing his shock. "Why am I crying?" Wilbur laughs, standing back up. "Blue?"

"Yeah, Wilbur?"

"Thank you," Wilbur beams. "For not lying to me. I know I can trust you." 

"Of course," Schlatt leans down, picking up the flower. "Go talk to Tommy, Wilbur. I'll see you in a couple of hours."

"Okay!" Wilbur nods, and then he's gone. 

Schlatt heaves a sigh, exhausted. He's been reduced to a fucking colour. Wilbur doesn't even know his name. 

He watches as Wilbur pops up behind Tommy, wondering if what he did was right. He locked Wilbur back in his head, keeping him foggy and unstable. Wilbur tried to reach out, and Schlatt..

No, it isn't entirely his fault. He just wasn't fast enough, he didn't grab on fast enough. Wilbur will come back eventually. 

Schlatt sighs, wandering back towards the forest where Wilbur found him. He stares at the cornflower in his hand, watching as the blue slowly fades from it, turning into a wilted grey colour. 

Looks like Wilbur's blue is finally fading.


End file.
